Mama and Papa Style

A while ago I had a funny dream. There were a ton of people in my kitchen, eating and partying, and Brad Pitt was one of them.  The party wrapped up and everyone headed out, chattering, laughing, and not noticing that I was left behind with a disaster area to clean up.  I felt a sinking feeling.  But then Brad, as he was about to leave, turned around and got to work with me, chatting good-naturedly as he cleaned.  At one point, we started talking about our kids and parenting and he burst into "Incy Wincy Spider", giving it 100%.  Of course, no Brad Pitt dream would be complete without a little romance.  But I know I'm no match for Angelina, and anyway, I've got my own Brad at home.  So we had a little "Bridges of Madison County" type romance and went back to our respective families.

I told Sean about it in the morning (so I wasn't cheating, folks!).  "It says a lot about how my idea of romance has changed," I commented, and he guffawed.  Romance is having your partner notice that the kitchen is a mess and not leave you to clean it alone.  It is about seeing him patiently and lovingly work his way through your toddler's meltdown.  Having him take the kids out of the house so you can get some me time. About being in the trenches together as Boodge has an unexplainable puke-fest in the middle of the night.  Changing sheets and jammies, emptying puke buckets, and meeting worried eyes over sobbing child.  Laying down after it is over, child on my arm, my hand resting on the soft strong arm of my husband as we all try to get back to sleep.

I married a childless man, and our time together was different then.  Walks on the beach, lazy afternoons at an all day concert in the park, long nights cuddling on the couch, evenings talking over dinner.  Lots of doing our own things.  Now I am married to a father.  And a really good one, too.  One who, when I went in to tend to my croupy son at 11:30 last night, was already in there, and took care of it. All night.  Before, our relationship was all about talking and being together, but now we are doing together.  We carry a load on our shoulders, a beautiful, bursting load that we are grateful for but nonetheless, that feels heavy sometimes.  We are both exhausted by it, a lot of the time.

I look forward to the day we can get back to long walks on the beach, lazy afternoons at all day concerts, long nights cuddling on the couch.  But even more meaningful, we both look forward to doing those things, with our children.  That I am with someone who loves being with our kids as much as I do, who loves them so much he is willing to be exhausted for them alongside me, makes me love him so much.  Someone who knows that this time is temporary and precious and wants to be here for it, doing what needs to be done.  I am grateful for him, and for all that he gives to me and to that which we both hold most dear.  That is romance, Mama and Papa style.  I love the father I ended up married to.  Happy Father's Day, honey.