Top 7 Reasons I Haven't Been Blogging Much

1. No time.  
I spend my days with two little ones who need a lot from me, and I cannot have my eyes, body, and hands occupied with something else for more than 30 seconds or so during the day. I could blog in 30 second stretches but I find it hard to remember what I was thinking about before I cleaned up a pee, cut up an apple, and answered a question like, "Do wolves stink?" as honestly as I could.  When they are in bed, I am often not interested in writing.  It's easier to just chill out with Sean on the couch.  Which I suppose could be another reason:

2. Netflix 
I used to much prefer blogging to anything on TV, but now that we have Netflix, I can cue up something good for us and that can suck up an hour very quickly.  We are working our way through Arrested Development.  It reminds me all too well of my two years living in Southern California. Funny stuff. 

3.  Summertime
Something about summer just makes me less pensive. I want to be outside, enjoying the weather and the moments, not navel gazing at my computer.  Up to a week ago, it was so hot that by evening my body was completely drained, and there was no brain power left to blog.  Now that the weather is cooling a little, I'm already feeling my eyes drop to my navel and regaining the energy to write what I see there.


4.  Sitting hurts.
And here I have to digress a little.  After having Boodge, nursing him all the time and bouncing him to sleep on the exercise ball several times a day for months on end, I developed really bad back pain. It hurt every time I moved, basically, and sitting was also problematic. I ended up going to a chiropractor, something I had never done before, and he was fantastic and healed it, as well as teaching me its root cause and how to avoid it in the future.  Whenever I told people I had back pain, they were really sympathetic and often shared a story of their own back pain, or someone they knew, and what they had done to help it.

Now, Peanut's arrival and subsequent havoc has also given me an ailment that is not the kind of thing people swap stories about in polite company, though thanks to the internet I can hear from hundreds of people that share my pain. It's been much worse than the back pain in terms of intensity, duration, ability to heal, and impact on my life.  Apparently 30% of women who give birth will get it, as well as tons of other people, including, very commonly, infants and toddlers.  I have had to make all kinds of dietary and lifestyle changes.  I've been afraid to eat. I've lost 11 pounds in a month. I prefer to sit to use my computer (you too??), and for 4-8 hours a day I can't sit comfortably.  It's a very real pain in the ass.  A total bummer.

I could have left it out of this list but it's been a huge part of my life lately, and I have very bad TMI (that's Too Much Information) sensors.  You wouldn't believe how much I've held back here (unless you really know me, in which case you've been treated to lots of detail, and I thank you very much for listening).

Though I'm pretty sure I will still lie awake regretting it if I do hit publish on this post....  

Shall we just move on to the next reason?


5.  I'm struggling with how open I want to be.  
You won't believe that after reading reason # 4. I don't blame you.  But it's true. I've been questioning how much I want to share of myself and of my family in this public forum.  I feel exposed, knowing that people have read it but not knowing what they read, or what they thought of it.  Distant family members, friends of friends, mothers of friends. I love it that people read it, the positive feedback I get really fulfills me, and I appreciate the sense of deeper connection it brings in my online and face to face relationships.  But it also brings a strange dimension to my life that I'm not fully reconciled with.

I'm new to a small town where I'm trying to make friends, and where my kids will grow up. I feel funny sometimes knowing someone has read my blog and knows so much about me and my family, yet doesn't know me well yet.  It creates an awkward imbalance in a beginning friendship.  And what about my kids and my husband--how much should I be revealing about them? 

On other hand, I also wonder what people who know me think of seeing this side of me on my blog. What I present here is only a part of me.  There is a lot more to some of the stories I tell here, and sometimes friends know this when they read something that I may have wrapped up fairly neatly into one of its components. 

This all makes me question what I write too much, which stops me from writing much at all, ultimately.  I love that when I share something personal, someone may see themselves in that and gain insight, a laugh, a feeling of not being alone.  I love that my family and friends can keep up on my life.  I believe in being honest and open.  But it's really hard sometimes to hit that publish button and reveal myself.


6. I'm wondering about privacy. 
This is related to number 5, but more about personal safety. I didn't give much thought to privacy when I started this. Now I want to do a little more research. Should I be posting pictures of my kids, using my real name, saying where I live, etc?  Do I need to comb over the blog and get rid of some details?  Am I taking a risk? I would love some input into this from anyone who has an opinion, or some information. 

7.  I don't know if blogging fits with counseling.
I'm slowly plotting a return back to very part-time work, doing some private practice. But counselors, ethically, are supposed to avoid "self-disclosure" and "dual relationships".  We are supposed to be separate from the lives of our clients, and them from ours, which provides a certain safety for the client to talk freely. It complicates things for the client if they know too much about me, and can compromise the work we are doing.  So again, I feel that I would have to be very conscious of what I disclose here.  More likely, I couldn't use my real identity here anymore, and maybe I shouldn't, anyway.  I'm still puzzling over what to do about this blog when I go back to work.  Any ideas, fellow counsellor-mamas? Or others?

So, that all being said, I had a lovely moment last week at the local Strong Start where one woman expressed real interest in reading my blog and two others told me how much they enjoyed reading it.  That just lights me up and makes want me continue, so thanks ladies!  But I will still be thinking about numbers 5-7 and may be giving A Mama Being a slight make over.  Maybe changing names to protect the innocent, including myself.  

Oh, to blog again....

It's not that I don't want to blog. I think about posts all the time, I write them in the shower, I write them while nursing the little dude, I write them while running errands with the stroller. But I don't write them when I have time to sit down and write them because there always seems to be something more pressing to do. That, and the computer itself is a bottomless pit of distraction, what with all those other bloggers to read, and the endless news, recipes, advice, curiosities, just a few clicks away. It seems since I became a mom, I've been practicing divided attention so much that my neural pathways are laying down all splintered. Didn't I used to be able to sit down for hours and hours working on something, becoming totally engrossed? Now, even when I have a couple of clear hours, I find my mind and body still moving in all directions.

But what matters is that I come back. So here I am again. I'm working on 2 things to get better at blogging. First, not wasting time on TV and the Internet. Sure, there's lots of interesting stuff out there...but does any of it really matter? Does it excite me and inspire me and clear me out like writing? Nope. Second, I'm going to stop trying to make every post "something"--some nicely wrapped up piece, some in depth exploration of what I'm going through. I'm just going to post. It's not like anyone who reads this isn't directly related to me through blood, friendship, or facebook.

The truth is, my attention is divided, and my time is scarce. We're moving in a month, so there's all the packing and phone calling that goes with that. At nap time, I can blog or do yoga for my pleasure, or do chores for the good of everyone--so blogging has some fierce competition. Not to mention I joined a writing group to develop my thesis ("Counsellors' Experience of the Ethical Dimensions Involved in Social Justice Advocacy"--catch title, no?) into an article for publication, and that is a nice big SHOULD over my head all the time. But I'm going to try to come here more often because it makes me feel good to write, and I really do want to document the changes in myself and my family.

And that is all for today, folks, in the interests of learning how to not make it "something". Happy New Year everyone.