Mama Yoga

Before I became a mom, I practiced yoga about 5 times a week.  I started around the time I met my husband, and over time I fell in love with the practice, and the exercise.  I have gone through long stints with different exercises, like running and rollerblading, but once I found yoga I knew I was in it for life. I never had to "make" myself do yoga--I looked forward to it, and craved it.  It has everything: vigorous physical activity, stretching, muscle development, balancing.  It is gentle but demanding.  And it is a meditation, challenging me to focus on breath and movement, showing me how my mind wanders, interferes, or helps.  It teaches me spiritual lessons, and gives me a space to pray, in my way.  Yoga brings me peace.

After Boodge, I managed to keep my practice up, though not as frequently or for as long at a time.  But then got pregnant with Peanut, and we were moving, and I was tired, I let it drop from my life.  Since then I have only practiced a handful of times until a few weeks ago, when I asked Sean to start giving me some yoga time on the weekends.  He heartily agreed, as he usually does to anything I think will make me more cheerful and actually ask for.  It's the asking I forget to do.

So one afternoon when Peanut was napping, I rolled out my mat.  Within a few movements, I heard my mind ask, "Oh, my body, where have you been?"  I was surprised by the thought, but then, I wasn't.  My body has been engaged on a momentous project in the last few years.  Creating and growing and birthing children. Feeding them from my breast, comforting them with my arms and carrying them with my legs and back.  Doing all the movement involved in keeping them safe, fed, clothed, played with, and loved.  My body has carried me through all of that, not without some protest, but mostly with great strength.  And now me and my body had come back together, though yoga, in service of each other for a short while.

I realized I had to keep yoga in my life, but I had to let go of how I used to practice.  I can't wait for time alone, with my favorite tunes in the background, for an hour or more.  That may happen sometimes, but I want yoga to happen more often than that.  So I practice like a mom of two small children.  With Bob the Builder and the monitor hum in the background, and for 10 minutes. With interruptions.  I practice when I can grab some time, like yesterday when, after I put the baby down, I asked Boodge if he wanted to play and he said, "I just want some quiet." (AKA, leave me alone to finish watching the video you put on while you put the baby down).  So I rolled out my mat, thank you Bob. 

But then of course, the yoga drew Boodge's attention.  He wanted to do it too.  I was happy to teach him yoga, and he made some cute attempts at the "moves". After a while he started making up his own "moves" and I would name them, "Child looking at bumhole pose" or "Jump spinasana".  We were having a great time.

Cobra pose--censored

Hamperheadasana

 After a while, though, I kind of wanted to get back to yoga, for real, and Sean told Boodge to come outside with him.  "No, I just want to keep doing yoga." he said.  And I want to teach him yoga, so I was torn.  I told him 5 more minutes. He agreed, but then cried anyway at the end of 5 minutes.  He wanted to be with me, having fun, and I felt sad for him.  I felt guilty, too. We were having a great time, why did I have to put an end to it? But I also know that taking care of myself is necessary, and something I want to show him I do, and want him to have respect for.  And I wanted my yoga.  So, off he went, crying, to play outside. 

And I relaxed, quietly, with my body.  I breathed and I let go of the guilt.  I felt how deeply I love my family and I prayed for them to be safe and healthy.  I expressed thanks for all the blessings I have been given, all the good love and kindness I receive. I prayed for strength to stay positive and grateful and generous, and to be the parent and wife and person I want to be.


That is my practice as a Mama.  I practice with the support and willingness of my whole family.  I make compromises.  I have fun. I let the negative go as quickly as I can, and stay grateful for the moment. I accept the limitations of myself and others.  I balance my needs with everyone else's. 

It is messy and chaotic.  But maybe even more sacred, and certainly more necessary.