Since Boodge was born, I've been lucky to be able to stay well connected to my family, who are scattered throughout eastern Canada--Mom in Montreal, Dad in Renfrew (near Ottawa), and Bro here. It's not always easy to see them all since it involves a 5 hour flight and then, if I want to go to all three homes, several long drives and adjusting the Boodge to new places. But it's so important to me to stay connected, that I've made the trip at least 2 or 3 times a year since he's been born.
Sometimes I come with Sean, but he can't always leave work so I come alone as well, for shorter trips. I don't like taking the Boodge away from his Daddy for too long. Sean misses him like crazy (and me, but the fact is, Boodge holds the bigger heartstring for both of us now), and we miss Sean too. I am missing him a lot today, realizing that the best part of my visit is pretty much over. My bro has to work the rest of my trip, and his kids are with their mom, so the Boodge and I are knocking around this townhouse and I'm wishing I was home.
Still, it has been worth it to see the little cousins play together. My brother and I grew up with a close clan of cousins, spending endless summer days playing at our cottage, or tearing up the musty concrete down in my grandmother's basement. As teenagers, we went through our own particular misfit stages in our own towns, but when we were together, we always fit. Holidays with my cousins were a time where I could remember who I was and where I came from. My cousins are some of my best friends, and when I'm with them I know I'm with people who know me in a way very few people could, and love me simply for who I am. What an incredible gift.
I hope the Boodge can have something like that with his cousins (including not just my brother's kids, but the children of my cousins too). Watching them begin to develop their own connection is so special. Waking up at my Dad's the other day, as Boodge and I came downstairs, his little 3.5 year old cousin walked up to meet him with a hug, saying sweetly, "I love Boodge SO much!"
I know they probably won't remember this visit, but they will remember each other, and the connection they are beginning to form. The airplane spotting from the car-seats on the drive to Grandpa's, the scraps over hockey sticks and balls, the mimicking of each others actions and words....it's all the beginning of what I hope will be as nourishing and long lived a bond as I have enjoyed with my cousins.
After this visit, I suppose our visiting strategy will have to change. We'll have two little ones, and flying will cost twice as much. And in 2 more years, three times as much. We'll have to come less often, for longer times. Maybe rent a cottage in Ontario for a month, so Sean can work from there and the various factions of family can come and stay together. I'm hoping we can find a way to keep the bonds strong, so I can give Boodge the same gift I have received. I know that I can't control who he bonds with, and the circumstances of his cousin-hood are different from mine--more geographic distance, less cohesive family structures. But I'm certainly going to do my best, and the rest, I suppose, will be up to them.
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